A "Funny" Spin on a Sad Season

So, I was sitting in class the other day and our professor assigns us probably one of the dumbest assignments in my schooling career. Meaning, that from Kindergarten through junior year of college, I have not been assigned anything more stupid. Our professor gives us an in-class creative writing assignment. He wants us to write a story about 2 characters. One of these characters had to be death personified, and out to get the other character.

My professor then proclaimed that he will be collecting the papers, however he will not be reading them. I guess he just was gonna count the lines to make sure you put an effort. I decided that I was going to have some fun with this. It was the only way possible.

After about half an hour, some kids volunteer to read what they came up with. Their work was so depressing and really sad. A far contrast from what I wrote...............

I don't have enough money to feed my family, so we're going to have to renegotiate my 120 million dollar contract, said Toaster Oven. This was Oven's latest attempt at trying to get his football team, the Pitiful Eateries, to give up so more money so he will be happy. The local fans were overjoyed last year when Toaster decided to join their beloved Eateries. Toaster Oven was eager to bring his talent and star power and help the Eateries get to the big game.
What the locals didn't know, or didn't want to realize, was that Oven was, in fact, death personified, and a cancer.

Toaster Oven did have a history of ending player's lives prematurely. He most certainly had an affinity for targeting a team's quarterback. This time around, he would target all-star quarterback Dried Meat. Oven saw Meat as the leader of the team, and wanted nothing more to see him go down. Toaster Oven talked poorly about Dried Meat whenever he could. He said Dried Meat was horrible when under pressure, and that other players such as Brilliant Fighter would be leading the Eateries to an undefeated season. Of course, Oven was only agreeing with a statement of Meat Incinerator. Oven continued, he said that the Pitiful Eateries was a class less organization, you see, he was angry because he always liked cooking and expected the Eateries to at least have a cooking class he could take.

The fans expected Oven to apologize but he did not. His death personified cancer had already spread and was at the point of no return. Only a super duper football doctor would be able to excise it. The Eateries luckily had one and he happened to be their coach. He was Dr. Anti Run, and he was here to save the day. He easily completed the excision. Much to the relief of Dried Meat he will not need to deal with any similar ordeal ever ever again, at least until the Pitiful Eateries bring in another seemingly benign savior, like Rustic Mold...

I got a plus on this story, conclusion:

My professor wasn't lying when he said he wouldn't read them!

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